Truisms

Here is a short list of things that are unequivocally true:

• It's always better to get behind early, so you have more time to catch up
• Farts are always funny.  Doesn't matter if they happen during a wedding, a funeral, the State of the Union address, or the Superbowl.  None of that matters.  Farts are always funny.
• If you want to make a teenage boy laugh, all you have to do is look at him and say "Boobies"
• There are only two kinds of drivers in the world: Idiots and Maniacs.  Idiots drive slower than you.  Maniacs drive faster.
• The above statement also applies to you.  Sometimes you are the Idiot, and sometimes you are the Maniac.
• A good way to force a tailgater off of your tail is to take that moment to wash your rear window, making sure to use up as much of the washer fluid as is needed.  
• Don't argue with idiots.  It only encourages the idiot, and in the process turns you into one.
• Eating right and exercise is extremely important.  It's almost as important as sitting in your cushy chair, watching tv, and eating potato chips.
• Dry erase markers, Magic markers, Sharpies, Pens, etc. that run out of ink, should be THROWN AWAY immediately.  Not recapped and put back where they were found.  THROWN AWAY!
• If you have white boards at work, and the words "Do Not Erase" are written on the board but are NOT followed by "Until <date/time>", you should immediately erase the board and draw a cartoon instead.
• If you ever find yourself in a pitch black closet or dark room, and you have a flashlight, put the business end in your mouth and shine the light up through the roof of your mouth while closing your eyes.  The dim light you see will be at the top of your field of vision, not the bottom.  This proves that the images that land on your retinas are upside down, and that your brain automagically flips them around for you.
• 0.999... is EXACTLY EQUAL to 1.  Not close, not just short of, not near... Exactly Equal.  Google it if you want.  But here is a simple algebraic proof:

Let x=0.999...

x = 0.999...
10 (x) = 0.999... times 10 = 9.999...
Subtract x from both sides
9 (x) = 9.999... - 0.999...
9 (x) = 9
x = 1

so x = 1  but also x = 0.999...
so x = 1 = 0.999...
so 1 = 0.999...