First, my credentials. I don't wear plastic ears, I don't dress in costume (although I did once dress up as a Borg, but that is a story for another day), and I don't write or consume fan fiction. I have seen every episode of TOS (The Original Series) at least 5 times. Yes, I've watched "Spock's Brain" at least 5 times. I've seen every TNG episode (The Next Generation). I've seen a lot of DS9 (Deep Space 9) episodes, and I believe I've seen all the VOY (Voyager) episodes. I've seen most of the ENT (Enterprise) episodes.
I've seen every Star Trek movie. I've seen Wrath of Khan about 10 times. I've read about half a dozen Star Trek novels.
But more than anything else, I'm VERY good at Star Trek Trivia. What does the T stand for in James T Kirk? Tiberius. What is the original Enterprise's serial number? NCC-1701. What is the serial number for the USS Constellation? NCC-1071. What is the monetary unit of measure on the planet Triskelion? Well... I guess you get the picture (put the answer in the comments if you want to try and impress me)
So what about the current Trek movie Into Darkness? Before I get to that, I have to talk about Abrams "Star Trek" reboot. If you haven't seen that movie, Spoilers Ahead so you've been warned...
When I was reading about the build up to this movie, that it would be the original characters with a new cast, that it would be about how the Enterprise crew came together for the first time, I was extremely excited. Prequels are hard to do (witness the last 3 Star Wars movies). But given Abrams track record, I had confidence in him. I desperately wanted to know, in film version, how that cast came together (how Kirk got to be Captain, how Spock became his first officer, why Bones is even on a space craft at all)
I was completely disappointed in what came out. Why? Here it is in a nutshell:
This is a movie about how a crew of the Enterprise came together, not a movie about how the crew of the Enterprise came together.
They forked the universe.
I guess I should not have been surprised. After all, they've rebooted or forked the Marvell universe a whole bunch of times. They rebooted the Spiderman movies. And as far as I can tell, every Batman movie is a reboot. So why not Star Trek?
From my perspective, here's why: They ruined the characters. Case in point: Captain Kirk. In the original series, Kirk is raised in a two parent household, goes to Starfleet Academy, cheats on the Kobyoshi Maru test, and goes off as an Ensign to serve aboard the USS Farragut. He reports his friend, Commander Finney for essentially falling asleep on guard duty. He fights a gaseous vampire. At some point he becomes friends with Commodore Decker, and later serves in a movie with the Commodore's son. He fights off a superman named Khan and maroons him on a planet. Later, Khan tries to take revenge and in the process Spock dies. Kirk and the crew risk their careers to go retrieve Spock from the Genesis planet and take him to Vulcan to reunite his spirit with his new body. The list goes on and on.
Now, none of that happened, or will happen, or at least not in that way. Instead, Captain Kirk has no dad, basically fails out of Starfleet, he rides around on motorcycles, bluffs his way onto a transport to the Enterprise, tangles with Spock, collects Scotty and gets back on the ship, and in the end he ends up sitting in the Captain's Chair.
Frankly, if I wanted to watch young punks driving around powerful starships, I'd switch to Star Wars.
But the problem isn't as superficial as that. They blew up Vulcan. Let me say that again... THEY BLEW UP VULCAN!!! I guess it's just passe to blow up the Enterprise again. Not big-big enough? Or, looking at the movie poster, maybe it is... Anyway, so where does Spock go when he goes into heat, like Amok Time? No "to the death" battle with his captain? No Lairpa? No On-Wu? No over the top Alexander Courage fight music? Kroika!
Where do they bring Spock back to in order to screw his head on correctly in The Search for Spock?
When the gas vampire cloud attacks, will Kirk help defeat it? Will it end up reproducing, literally sucking all the blood out of the Federation?
What about Khan? Does he get marooned? Does he even get woken up? When Seti-Alpha 6 explodes, will anyone be there to notice?
When the Doomsday machine is going to go slicing up planets right through the middle of the galaxy, will Kirk even know Commodore Decker? Or is Decker a punk too? Will they be able to find an actor as talented as William Windom to play that part, so that you could see the absolute horror of this machine on his face before ever seeing the cheesy, sparkling ice-cream cone that played the part of the machine? Will anyone be able to say, convincingly, "They say there's no Devil Jim, but there is! I saw it, straight out of Hell, I saw it!"
Well, none of that really matters anymore I guess. Maybe all of it will happen. Maybe none of it. But one thing is for sure: I'm still waiting for the story of how MY Kirk and MY Spock end up friends!
Abram's f'd me at the drive through, just like they did to Joe Peschi in Lethal Weapon.
And that's all I have to say about that.
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